Not having bread sucks
I cry often. I feel so guilty for not reaching out to my cousin prior to her passing. I feel so shitty about a lot of things and how I allowed the distance grow between us. We were so close as kids but grew apart as we got older. I regret not making an effort to text her about her day or the stupid boys she’d date. I regret not visiting her and calling her on her birthday. I miss fighting with her over dumb shit and making up afterwards. I was jealous of her. I was jealous because she had everything I never did as a kid. The perfect family, clothes, friends, she was so outgoing and loud.. I wondered why my life wasn’t like hers. I wish things were different and she could have met my son. I wish I could have seen her find someone and get married like she always dreamed about. I wish I could have spent her 21st birthday with her. I wish I could hug her again. IM GUILTY FOR LIVING PAST 20. She was only 20!
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for you. You make my life worth living. You are the spark I needed when I was filled with darkness. At a time when I thought life couldn’t get better, you showed up, wholesome and full of love. You are my favorite person on this earth. I am in love with you. My heart aches when you’re sad and I can’t fix it. I’m trying to give you and Gio everything we never had growing up. This is only temporary. I love you forever.
I have had such a bad year. I’m ready for it to be over.
so much of people's need for identity is rooted in wanting 2 control others' perception of them ... let it go